you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
