They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize