I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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