it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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