I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
