Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
