Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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