..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
