I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
