Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
