is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize