just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
