dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think I have vodka in my lungs
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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