I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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