I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
