it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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