My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize