I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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