I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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