its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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