Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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