do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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