can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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