Non-Jews are for practice
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
