I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
