16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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