I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
