He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
