the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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