threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
