Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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