What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
