woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
