I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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