Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
