now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
