I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
