You made me cry and you don't even care
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
