I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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