does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
