I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
