if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
