I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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