Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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