I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize