She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
