make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
