If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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