I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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