I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
two words...techno handjob
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
