"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
