I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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