on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
