my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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