just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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