Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
