my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
