Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
