That's intense
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We are two peas in an std pod
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
