FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
