i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
love makes seman taste better
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
