ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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