It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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