i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
