ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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