is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
