Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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