Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
