I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
