Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
