We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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