Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm both gender and math confused
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
