and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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